change

Nothing Gold Can Stay
by Robert Lee Frost

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

As a girl, I was in love with PonyBoy from The Outsiders. ;)

Everything changes - even things that we think never will. I shouldn't be horrified or surprised anymore, right? I should be able to "roll w/ the punches". I hate getting punched! I resist change and I think this makes it worse. I should see it as a new opportunity or as an adventure. I just like things to be as they are, unless I change. I guess that's it - I don't like for a change to be imposed on me. I like changes when they're optional and gradual and secure feeling.

My life feels a little upside down today. If it were summer and I was traveling overseas that would be great! But it's only May and I'm just here at home doing my regular everyday stuff and all feels not right. In fact recently it seems like everyone that I talk with is dealing w/ chaos and uncertainty and pain. What's up w/ that? I want to just encounter one person who's feeling peace and calm and contentment and listen to her for a while. I want to hear her tone and the lull of her voice and her rate of speech. I want to watch her posture - I'm betting her shoulders aren't scrinched up to her ears like mine have been these days. I want to see her clear eyes and the depth and wisdom they hold.

I want that serenity for myself once again. I have been a pretty contented person. I've known peace and calm. I can ride the waves. I long for this and pray it returns. I'm tired and overloaded w/ the weight of my life today. sigh.